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A man in Jupiter, Florida accidentally shot himself when his gun went off while he was bowling.  A witness at Jupiter Lanes said, “The ball hit him in the leg, which triggered the revolver.” The unidentified dumbass was taken to the hospital with a non-life threatening gunshot wound.  And yes, I’m asking the same question you are: “Why the Hell did he have a gun in his pocket while he was bowling to begin with??!”  Just another question to plague humanity I guess.

Today’s dumbass is a man who got busted in a prostitution ring ON HIS HONEYMOON!  21-year-old Mohammed Ahmed of Illinois was on his honeymoon in Orlando and answered an online ad for a hooker that was placed by an undercover detective. His wife found out about his arrest when she called police to report her husband was missing.  I wonder if she told the cops to just keep him…

Bestiality on a whole new level for today’s dumbass. A 63-year-old man named David from Roselle, Illinois was arrested for sexually assaulting his pet peacock.  The police found the bird dead in David’s garage and could not elaborate on the peacock’s condition….but they did charge David with sexual assault.  There’s so many things wrong about this – not to mention the confusion on how you’d even have sex with a peacock in the first place.  Geez…

Not sure  how long it will take, but dumbasses still haven’t caught on that social media will get you busted…so don’t post photos of the crimes you’ve committed on Facebook.  Police in Utah arrested a man named Matthew after he posted over 150 photos of graffiti he painted on public buildings.  A detective used a fake profile to become Facebook friends with Matthew, which made it so he could access the incriminating pictures.  He was arrested for criminal mischief graffiti and criminal trespass.

Today’s dumbass also involves the strangest way ever to quit smoking.  31-year-old Etta Lopez of Sacramento waited outside a sheriff’s office until a deputy came out and then slapped him across the face.  She explained to the confused deputy that she figured “the only way to quit smoking was to go to jail because it’s smoke-free.” Etta got her wish…she’s in jail for 63 days for battery against a police officer.  Um, Etta, I’m pretty sure there are other ways to try to quit smoking other than becoming a convict.

Today’s dumbass is straight out of the “Bad Parenting Choices” Handbook.  A teenager in Texas accidentally shot his friend in the thigh while playing with a pistol.  The mother of the shot teenager didn’t take him to the hospital right away, instead she looked up how to treat a gunshot wound online at WebMD.  Finally, seven hours later, she came to her senses and took her kid to the hospital.  Luckily, he’s now in stable condition.  Meanwhile, the mother has been charged with injury to a child by omission.  I’m guessing she won’t be getting the best mother’s day gifts this weekend.

Today’s dumbass award goes to the clothing company Abercrombie & Fitch.  Their  so-called marketing plan is off the charts ridiculous. Abercrombie’s CEO Mike Jefferies said in an interview: “We don’t want larger people shopping in our stores, we want thin and beautiful people.  That’s why we hire good-looking people, because good-looking people attract other good-looking people.  We don’t market to anyone other than that.”  I’m personally hoping that NO one will shop at these stupid stores so this Neanderthal will go bankrupt.

It’s a daily dumbass trio from Shag’s home state of Oregon today.  Three construction workers ended up burning down a house they were working on by making some stupid decisions.  The first worker to get to the site in the morning started a fire in the carport to get warm.  The carport caught fire, so a second worker used an excavator to knock down the burning carport.  Then the fire spread to a 120-foot-tall tree.  The third worker cut the tree down with a chainsaw – which fell on the house and caught it on fire too.  By the time firemen arrived, the house was a total loss.

From the “Hold My Beer and Watch This” file….a 24-year-old guy named Spencer in Oklahoma City was arrested after trying to steal a Zamboni from a convention center. Spencer’s brilliant plan didn’t get him far since the Zamboni was too big to get out of the building.  Security guards were able to subdue Spencer, despite him being very intoxicated.  Does this leave you wondering what the Hell he was going to do with it, if he were able to steal it?

Today’s dumbass award goes to Lindsay Lohan….again.  In a new interview, Lindsay says “I’m not bisexual, I like boys.” Then Lindsay goes on to say she’s still in love with her ex-girlfriend Samantha and that she’s been with other women too, but she knows she’s straight.  Lindsay – not sure you understand what the definition of ‘bisexual’ is, but I’m pretty sure it’s you – and you’re in denial.