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More abuse of the 911 system for today’s dumbass.  Florida police arrested a woman who called 911 because she ate too much food and was at a hotel.  When officers arrived, the woman was jumping up and down yelling that she had eaten too much food and that she had not consumed cocaine in over a year.  She was arrested for misusing 911 and disorderly conduct.

A man named Darrin in Cincinnati showed up to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting “very intoxicated” and he brought beer.  He wandered the hallways outside the meeting until employees escorted him out…but then Darrin came back, and the cops were called. 

Dude, that AA thing doesn’t seem to be working out for ya….and you could at least put the beer in a styrofoan coffee cup with a lid on it and try to keep it on the down low – at least a little bit.

Today’s dumbass is Jeffrey Goho.  Who’s that, you ask? He’s the nutbucket who started the Twitter rumor earlier this month that Jon Bon Jovi had died.  Jeffrey admitted to tweeting the rumor because he was frustrated about Jon’s interests outside of music. Jeffrey now says he’s not proud of starting the rumor about Jon’s death and that he’s been getting a lot of backlash from it.  Well yeah, because that’s a DUMBASS thing to do, moron!

A sex offender in Georgia apparently didn’t know exactly how him GPS ankle monitor worked.  Anthony Sims had on his ankle monitor when he exposed himself to unsuspecting strangers three different times recently.  Of course the GPS monitor put Sims at the scene of each crime, which made it that much easier for police to connect him to the indecent exposures and charge him.

How’s this for a headline: Man Dies After Eating Cocaine from Brother’s Butt. Believe it or not, that’s what happened. A man in South Carolina ate an ounce of cocaine that his brother was hiding in his butt cheeks. The brothers were in the back of a police car when the man’s brother begged him to eat the cocaine so he wouldn’t go to prison. So he ate it…then collapsed and died about an hour later. Not THAT’s brotherly love.

A New Jersey cop came home from a DWI class and ended up getting arrested for DWI. The officer had been given alcohol during the class to test the effect on his physical abilities. He was driven home from the class, but then hopped on his ATV and rode it into the streets – where he promptly lost control and flipped it. The police chief is still trying to figure out what to do about the officer and whether to keep him on staff at all.

Just because you don’t like Christmas doesn’t mean you should ruin it for others.  A group of three or four dumbasses stole an inflatable Grinch and destroyed other Christmas decs on Candy Cane Lane in Seattle.  The neighborhood is known for it’s street-wide holiday decorations and was targeted by the vandals.  To add insult to injury, the Grinchs came and went in a limo.  Man, that just takes “Bah Humbug” to a whole new level.

Today’s dumbass got a good taste of karma. Two guys robbed a Target in Wisconsin this past Tuesday. They stole dvds and computer games, but while making their get away one of them accidently pocket-dialed 911. A dispatcher listened for over an hour and  heard what they had stolen, where they planned to sell it, and even a description of their car. So when they went to go sell the stolen goods the police pulled up and surrounded their car with guns drawn. How about next time you screen lock your damn iPhone!

Today’s award goes to the man who was watching the meteor shower Tuesday night and drove his Mustang off a cliff in the Angeles National Forest in California. The man plunged 100 feet over a hill and a helicoptor search team had to rescue him.  Luckily, he walked away with minor injuries…the Mustang, not so good.  Dude – next time, PULL OVER first.

Devonte Jeter’s lawyer tried to argue that a bag of weed found during a Pennsylvania traffic stop didn’t belong to his client.  That argument didn’t hold water since Devonte asked one of the arresting officers for his weed back during the arrest. Um…first of all, that’s really a dumb thing to do.  Did you think the cop would say “Of COURSE you can have your marijuana, my apologies!” Second, when you say MY weed, you’re definitely going to be charged for possession of it.