Clear99 Today's Best Country

Today’s award goes to the man who was watching the meteor shower Tuesday night and drove his Mustang off a cliff in the Angeles National Forest in California. The man plunged 100 feet over a hill and a helicoptor search team had to rescue him.  Luckily, he walked away with minor injuries…the Mustang, not so good.  Dude – next time, PULL OVER first.

Devonte Jeter’s lawyer tried to argue that a bag of weed found during a Pennsylvania traffic stop didn’t belong to his client.  That argument didn’t hold water since Devonte asked one of the arresting officers for his weed back during the arrest. Um…first of all, that’s really a dumb thing to do.  Did you think the cop would say “Of COURSE you can have your marijuana, my apologies!” Second, when you say MY weed, you’re definitely going to be charged for possession of it.

When the holiday season arrives, there’s usually some dumbass who tries to ruin it. Police are on the lookout for a burglar in Pittsburgh who smashed the glass door of a liquore store to steal stuff.  Guess what he took? Two bottles of EGG NOG. Yep, the hard stuff. When’s the last time you smashed a door for egg nog? Never? That’s what I thought.

A man in Pennsylvania named Scott Bennett wanted some time off work, but was afraid to ask for vacation, so he did the sensible thing: he sent a fake obituary to the newspaper for his mother (who’s still alive) so he could get bereavement time off. Apparently he didn’t stop to consider how the obit would freak out his mother or their relatives, who were shocked to read the bogus obit.  Scott’s mom even went to the newspaper office to prove to them she had not died.  Scott was arrested for disorderly conduct.  Guess he didn’t think of calling in sick instead….

Another stoner earns his dumbass stripes today.  A 33-year-old man in Connecticut named John was packing lunch for his 18-month-old son when he accidentally dropped a joint into the boy’s lunchbox. Daycare workers found the “J” when they were unpacking the kid’s lunch and called police.  John was arrested later that day.

If you’re going to rob a Wal-Mart, you should probably NOT do it during the ‘Shop With A Cop’ event.  Timothy Clark was caught red-handed with $500 worth of video games stuffed inside his shirt. With more than 50 cops in the store for the “Shop with A Cop” event, Timothy was taken into custody immediately.  Good timing, moron.

You’ve got to be smart enough to write a holdup note if you’re going to rob a bank.  A would-be bank robber in West Virginia passed a note to a teller, but she couldn’t read it or understand it and thought it was a joke.  She laughed, passed the note back to the robber, and he got frustrated and left the bank. Maybe next time he’ll have a literate friend write his note for him….and he can just keep it and use the same note each time.

Sometimes schools’ “no tolerance” rules can be absolutely ridiculous.  Today’s dumbass award goes to the North Carolina school who suspended a 9-year-old boy for inappropriate behavior.  Why’d he get in trouble? He told a classmate that he thought their teacher was “cute”. Really?  The boy’s mother is outraged and thinks the suspension is unfair…and I would have to completely agree.

Duuuuude….if you’re going to smoke dope, you gotta keep it on the down low – especially since it’s still illegal. Two morons in central Florida went through a Burger King drive-thru and asked for a “blunt and some herbs”.  When they pulled around, the cashier could smell pot coming from their car so she wrote down their plate number and called 911.  The cops were waiting for them when they got home.

Today’s dumbass is low on the list for Father of the Year nominees.  Steven Wilcox of Kentucky had his 6-month-old baby with him at a grocery store…then left the child in a shopping cart and forgot about it.  Steven was about 3 blocks away from the store when he realized he’d left his baby behind.  When he returned, the child had already been found and 911 had been called.  The case was turned over to social services.  Sure, we’ve all forgotten something on our shopping list before, but to leave your 6 month old at the store?  Wow.