Clear99 Today's Best Country

How many things  can you do at once that you shouldn’t be doing? Today’s dumbass went for three things.  Jeromy Kerkendall of Kennewick, Washington was driving a stolen pickup truck, and was texting and eating at the same time.  Jeromy wasn’t able to pull off this extreme multi-tasking feat and ended losing control of the truck,  running into a ditch, and driving into a house.  He ran from the scene, but cops were able to track him down a short time later and put him in jail.

A dumbass in Connecticut went into a sex shop and decided to try out a pair of handcuffs.  He locked himself in a pair and the shop employees couldn’t get him out of them.  They had to call the fire department and then the police…and they ended up having to take the cuffs off with bolt cutters. Awkward!!!!!  No word on whether the man had to pay for the broken handcuffs.

More abuse of the 911 system, which seems to be a popular trend among dumbasses. A 55-year-old man named Michael Barker called 911 nine times because he wanted a taxi. (Guess it never occurred to him to call the cab company directly). Authorities tracked him on his cell phone and when they got there, he was on the phone with 911 again – this time because he couldn’t find his football. Nothing like wasting tax dollars by being a dumbass.

So this guy walks into Wal-Mart in Exton, Pennsylvania, totally nekked.  He goes over to the clothing section and steals – a pair of SOCKS.  (Dude, that probably wasn’t the first item of clothing you should’ve gone for since you had a beans and frank show goin’ on.) Employees of the store called the police and the guy was still nekked when they got there, and of course he put up a fight and they had to use a stun gun on him.  He was arrested on all kinds of charges including stealing, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.

A British groom will be enjoying a six-year honeymoon by himself, in prison.  37-year-old Max Kay started a fire at his own wedding reception after hotel staff refused to let him extend a bar tab.  Max set the curtains on fire and the blaze spread quickly, and nearly 200 guests were evacuated.  The damage cost around $20 million and Max got 6 years in the Clink.  I bet his new wife is thrilled!

We’ve all dialed a wrong number before, but today’s dumbass made a major “whoops” with a wrong number recently.  A 46-year-old Cennecticut man accidentally dialed 911 from his cellphone WHILE he was stealing 700 pounds of scrap metal.  Authorities heard enough on the call to figure out what was going on, and went and arrested the man for trespassing and larceny.

More abuse of the 911 system gives us today’s dumbass.  Doyle Hardwick of St. Petersburg, Florida, called 911 because he couldn’t make his wife go to bed so he could check his Facebook page in peace.  When police arrived, both Doyle and his wife smelled of alcohol.  Doyle was arrested for misusing 911 and is serving a 60 day jail sentence.  At least he’ll get a break from his wife for a while, right?

A Florida man was arrested for stabbing someone during a fight.  Police arrested 22-year-old Deaundre Barnes at his home for battery, assault and for violating his probation.  When Deaundre was booked at the station he listed “drug dealer” as his occupation.  I’m going to guess that won’t help out his legal situation, but hey – at least he’s honest, right?

Just how many different ways can you get a DWI?  Today’s dumbass gives us a new option.  Joel Bruss of Minnesota was arrested for driving a Zamboni drunk at an ice rink.  Police were called to the rink when callers reported a man driving a Zamboni erratically and hitting the boards while resurfacing the ice between youth hockey games. Testing showed that Joel’s blood alcohol content was .32%, while is four times the legal limit.

Jeffrey Thompson of Melbourne, Florida, was arrested recently for losing control while out drinking. What did Jeffrey do?  Well, he was at an Applebee’s singing karaoke and became too involved with his performance.  He stripped his clothes off while singing to the audience – yes, at an Applebee’s.  A manager tried to stop him, but Jeffrey punched him. A police officer had to use a stun gun on Jeffrey to get him dressed and out of the restaurant.  Wow, that’s dedication to your performance.