Today's dumbass is so wrong on so many levels. A woman in Utah named Cameo called and texted her ex-boyfriend from his home, where she left a pound of bacon over a lit burner. The man called police and asked them to get Cameo out of his house. When cops arrived, there was smoke pouring out of the front door. They charged her with burglary and arson...and discovered her blood-alcohol level was four times the legal limit. One of the best parts of this story? Cameo's last name is Crispi.