Today’s story has several people who deserve their dumbass stripes. For some reason, a thief in Canada felt compelled to steal about $45,000 worth of lettuce from a truck. So first of all, why would anyone steal that and could possibly use hardly any of it before it spoils? But then the police department decided to be “cute” by asking the public to “Romaine Calm” and “Lettuce work together” to find the missing produce. Yeah, collective groan.