The first dumbass of the month is an instant classic. An 18-year-old named Ruben tried to rob a Chicago muffler shop. He showed up wearing a mask and armed, and demanded the money in the safe. The mechanic told him only the manager could open the safe and he wasn’t there yet. So Ruben left him two phone numbers for them to call him back when the manager showed up. They did call him back…when the police got there. I. Have. No. Words.